Monday 20 April 2015

Hello. You Need To Hear This Now.



Apparently I wrote this message for a dear friend once, when he was hurting and unsure about his relationship with his girlfriend. On my birthday this year, he sent me a card with this message written in it - to thank me for giving him these words when he most needed to hear it. I opened the card a week after I received it to read what my soul most needed to hear at this very moment. I suppose this is giving advice to my future self. ;)

"For in love and life there are no guarantees - only in death are we secured in its inevitability; and when we are dead we can give no one the experience of being loved. So whilst we live, whether we are loved back or not, if your heart so desires it - love. And be sure your beloved knows of it, in every cell of his or her being. There is no other more beautiful way to exist. 
Just love. And be happy right now."

Ok. I will.

Namaste.



Friday 10 April 2015

Death's message

It's been awhile I know. 2014's been a tough year emotionally. And I'm capable fully of being deeply emotional, yet seem perfectly held together. I don't have any theories why.

In fact it has come to my attention that as I walk through the annals of time from one year to another, I have less desire to speculate or theorise about things whose answers can never be found. Because we truly would never know. And the act of trying to figure things out is but an entertaining diversion for the mind to indulge in its need to feel important. And so I have less patience to indulge my mind anymore.

Especially after my grandmother passed away in May 2014, and my beloved uncle, 8 months later in January 2015. How does one put into words the depth of pain of forever losing someone you love? I tried. I can't. Words are useless and they do no justice. But my feelings and the thoughts that have arose from that experience for me have given me loudly and clearly, death's message.

1. We don't have time
Why do get lulled into the illusion that we do? If we live to 65 years old, we only have 569,400 hours. If you're past 30, you have less than that left. If that was converted into currency in Malaysia, you can just barely buy a property with that amount of money in KL. And there's no top up account. It's a countdown all the way. So why spend those diminishing hours doing what brings you no joy, or with people who make you feel bad about yourself? Don't. Be selfish. Life is too short. Don't squander it and regret at the end. My granny probably only forgave all those people she held grudges for in the last week of her life her on earth. It's painful beyond words to see. Let it go now. Forgive now. Tomorrow may never come. Don't wait.

2. We are nothing but that which we choose to give
Giving and the ability or capacity to give, is a divine honour. We don't exist except in the experience of others. And at the end of the road, when you're stripped naked and need to be bathed by people who love you because you're bedridden, you'll get this. All the love that she has given to each of us as she raised us over the decades, we had the honour of returning to her in the last month of her life. The experience of lovingly and gently caring for the caretaker in my life - I profoundly and deeply understood the meaning of love. And for that I will be eternally grateful. She gave love selflessly all her life and that is what she deserves unreservedly at the end. And I will continue her legacy.

3. Be gentle & kind with others, always
We have nothing but our moments, and whilst they are temporal and fleeting, they are the links that connect and form our entire existence from birth to death. Our memories are usually punctuated with the highs and the lows of these moments, whilst everything in between are sometimes overlooked and forgotten. But those are the ones that are critical in forming the experience of our lives. The gentle unassuming moments, flowing along with others and life harmoniously. Drama and pain is great for lessons and new starts, but the moments in between are the ones that set the tone for our existence. Let those be sweet and gentle. Let everyone that crosses your path be brought back to peace and full self acceptance. Let them be reminded of the love and beauty that they are in the midst of a crazy hectic world. And let them be inspired to also, be gentle with others.

4. If you love someone, let them know now
If I could have a drink again with my granny and uncle again or the chance to take them out to places that they would enjoy, I would pay anything to do so. Just so that they know, that they are important to me, that I love them, that I would want to kiss them all over their faces again and again, and that they each know that they are deeply loved and appreciated. Do it now, tomorrow may never come.

I have more to share, but will continue in another post. Till then, be alive - it's a privilege, not an entitlement.


Love Unmasked

My last post was years ago. Writing is such a temperamental thing for me, like the river on its journey to meet the sea, it flows when the water level is reached. Or sometimes whimsical and fleeting like the wind, bringing pieces of thought, ideas, passions to land on my consciousness and moments later, disappears.

This is one of the pieces inspired by the latter - on the true nature of love.

***
Love Unmasked

One can love without ever needing to be loved in return, because just to love, is joy enough.

If you love to be loved in return, while divinely human; is not truly the essence and gift of love. If someone loves you no longer, does that mean you then choose not to love them? So what was it before that you called 'love' whilst you experienced their love for you?

Is love, the most transformational emotion in the universe, really so shallow? Truly loving is about appreciation, being present and making that choice to be that from moment to moment, at all possible moments, and it does not demand, does not want, nor does it ever require you to give yourself up.

It's how you choose to show up in someone else's life. It's a gift to you as well as your beloved, and it should never be confined by the ideals of romance alone. It is too vast, too mysterious, too powerful. It lifts everyone when in its presence.

And the most magical thing about it is that you too, can always choose to be love.

For was love not what we were birth from?

And is love not what we are made of?

***

Thursday 8 December 2011

Sorry!

Hey guys,

I'm sorry if some of you are receiving my postings twice from here and from Word Press. I'm having trouble linking the feed to my Empire Avenue account, so while I want to move everything over to Word Press, I'll have to post it twice both here and there.

So if you're following me, please unfollow on one side so you don't get the posts twice - sorry for the inconvenience caused, thanks for reading again!

xoxo
J

When I Was Ugly

I remember when I was 13 and utterly self-conscious of my body. I was a skinny, gangly kid with long hair, worn way past my waist – with sticks for legs, and my frame was totally boyish. I was a late bloomer.

The idea of wearing a bikini was beyond me. I was so painfully shy, I couldn’t imagine revealing so much of my body that way. I thought I looked terrible and everyone would be laughing.

I also hated taking pictures, and being captured on video killed me. I would never look at them again, and every time I did I was so critical of how I looked that I always looked horrible to myself. I was too skinny, my hair was too messy, my teeth was crooked, my lips too big – it was never ending.

Maybe it is that way when people go through their teenage years, but I took that feeling of self-criticism all the way to my mid-twenties. I never thought I was good enough and of course, everything that I saw about myself, affirmed the exact way I felt about me.

By the time I was in my twenties, I was too fat, my face too round, my eyes too small, my clothes too tight; that was what I saw in those photos. The reasons for self-detestation may be different, but the underlying story remained unchanged – I still didn’t like who I saw.

It’s funny, but I found all these photos and videos again now as I was house-moving; and I wondered how I could have thought that girl in the photos was anything but beautiful.

It was fascinating when I was sitting there sifting through all my old photos – remembering how disgusted I felt looking at them over 10 years ago, and marveling at the total change in the way I see myself now in those same photos.

The photos didn’t change. The way I saw myself changed, and that changes everything.

It’s my reminder for me that I see the world as I am, I don’t see the world as it is. And if I wanted something to change in my world, I need look no further than to just change the way I see it. That was a simple and powerful affirmation on how I, and I alone, have the power to change anything in my life.

And for that, I am truly grateful.

So when you find yourself criticizing – take a pause, and be a little kinder. There is a difference between criticizing and recognizing, the former terminates possibilities and options; while the latter opens them up for you to make a different choice. This holds true whether it’s your relationship with you, with another, or with the world.

Be acutely aware on how you are seeing, because it is your quickest indication on how you are being.

Namaste. xoxo

Lessons From Con-Men

I started working for money at 18. That age marked the beginning of one of the darkest, yet most educational, periods of my life.

Working in bars and entertainment outlets while going through college, I met men of all ages, all backgrounds, and with all sorts of intentions.

There were the distraught husbands in bad marriages that they don’t want to fix. The cheating husbands that came in at 7pm for dinner with their wives, left at 9pm, and came back again at 11pm with their mistresses.

The pushers who will try to sell you anything and everything for that one elusive high. The corporate yuppies who wanted to just drink down a bad day at work and forget for a couple of hours, that they have to get back to that same bleak existence the next morning.

The jocks who just jostled the whole night at the foosball tables. The freeloaders that come in with their rich friends, polishing off bottle after bottle but slinking away to the loo when the bill folder arrives. The smooth shooters hanging at the pool tables, chugging their beers, chalking their cues and playing for “winners’ stay” all night long.

The players who dress like they walked out of a GQ cover, dropping the same cheesy pick-up lines that for some bizarre reason, works every time – or maybe it’s just the really nice cars the valet brings them that seals the deal with pretty young things night after night.

The young boys that just graduated into this seemingly exciting and mysterious adult world, acting macho and downing alcohol by the bottle – swiping for the bill with their daddy’s supplementary credit cards.

The expat trying to kill another lonely night away from their homeland far away. And the VIPs with their bulky bodyguards, sitting alone, sipping wine, smoking a cigar and watching the crowd.
I met them all. Some, became my friends – and followed me from joint to joint as I changed jobs. And some, once they got to the point where they realized I am not susceptible to their romantic advances (being in a relationship that whole period) – turned me into a drinking buddy/ confidante instead.

While some, offered me job opportunities in their companies or businesses. And one day, fed up with the dead-end vicious cycle of the relentlessly mind-numbing entertainment circuit, I took up one of the offers from a VIP that prospected me for 6 months to work in his trading firm. Always, he is in a 3-piece-suit, something that is decidedly hard to do in the mucky tropical Malaysian weather; with a bodyguard shadowing him, and a driver dropping him off at the bar by 5pm every other day.

He took to having conversations with me, and soon started to pursue me to work for him. He owned a trading firm and was relentless in his approach. And one day I agreed – deciding to walk away forever from the entertainment scene to pursue my financial dreams working with this man.

The first day of work at his luxurious office in downtown KL, he gave me an office with a wrap-around window view. He taught me the trade – how to read graphs, charts, indices, market trends. He showed me how to lead prospects themselves to close the deal for me. And soon I brought in enough revenue for him that he made me the head of department, managing a group of men at least 2 decades older than me – who’ll have to report to me monthly.

I was still only 22 then and dying to own the world. I was fearless, impressionable, gullible, and ambitious. I started out broke and so was driven to work really hard, and on such bad terms with my family then that I haven’t had a proper conversation with my dad in 2 years. I wanted to do it all, to prove that I had what it takes to succeed in a world dominated by men, and I thought I could do it alone. I was arrogant. I was blinded by the money I was making and jaded by the company I was keeping.

And as I learned from this chapter of my young life – all that, made for a very dangerous combination. And one day, the time bomb of inexperience exploded.

In less than a year I worked there, the outfit was shut down by the authorities. I walked straight into it reporting to work one morning, finding out from my PA that the Directors were all not contactable, turning around to see the enforcement agents from the Securities Department crashing in and confiscating everything in sight. I spent the whole day being interrogated. All my clients’ money got frozen with the company’s bank account. Only after 7 years was the case finally closed – when they found one of the Directors and put him in jail. When I received that letter in the mail, I broke down and cried.

That was one of the most unnerving experiences in my life. I was so traumatized. I started questioning my own lack of judgment. And for the next 5 years, I spiraled into a life of mediocrity – afraid, so afraid of my ambitions to be wealthy – wanting only to be in a safe job with a legit company. Trying to reinstate my own self-worth. It didn’t matter that I took a massive pay-cut. I didn’t want any of it. To me at that moment, money was evil. Men were evil. I was racked with guilt.
I spent years trying to rebuild relationships with the people who trusted me but got hurt in this incident.

But now, I’ve forgiven myself and that man too. I look back now and I realize that it was an extremely valuable experience – especially in the arena of learning about myself and human psychology. That chapter has closed for me, but the lessons I’ve learned from that period – would serve me for the rest of my life:

1. Do not be impressed easily – look for the substance, not just the form in all you encounter
3-piece Armani suits, nice, flashy sports cars, VIP reservations at all the best joints in town, fine dining, cash splashing, drivers and bodyguards, dinners and gifts, posh offices and beautiful homes; I love these things – but this experience taught me to see the difference between the authentic and the sincere. It’s not the stuff, it’s who’s showing you all these stuff – and why. Heed your instincts, they won’t lead you wrong.

2. A fool and his money will always be parted
I don’t need to deliberate on this, but I have had first-hand training on how to cajole money out of someone by having him/ her suggest it too. Seeing this in action is fascinating and scary at the same time, and I had issues beating myself up for learning and using these tactics while I was working there. But now I see that everyone is responsible for their own decisions, and mine is to operate with the highest level of integrity, while being aware of all these tactics in the market. Greed is the biggest factor why someone ends up being conned. Be wary of anything that sounds too good to be true, do your own due diligence, and seek third-party counsel before making decisions in areas you are unfamiliar with.

3. There is no such thing as a short-cut to success
Ah. The delusion of all gamblers and con-men, wanting to get a better deal from the world. Being only willing to pay $1, yet expecting $100 return; work an hour but be paid for 10. There is no such thing. Taking short-cuts cost a price dearer than gold – your character, and self-respect. And it gets you nowhere worthwhile for very long.

4. Be in possession of your own mind
You know all the jazz about NLP, mind influence, etc? Well, take full responsibility for your own decisions and thoughts, and you’ll never have to worry about someone influencing you to do something that is detrimental to you. Everyone and everything in your daily life IS trying to influence you, you can’t avoid it. So don’t be a passive about this – own your thoughts! It’s 100% your call, all the time.

5. Stand for what you believe in
So shit happens. My con-men Directors disappears, I’m next-in-command, and the shit’s hitting the fan. And yeah, I was still 22 – but by then I was feeling 52. So what? Deal with all the mess you find yourself in in a manner that you won’t regret. Stand up to it, and fight for what you believe in. Own up if you made a mistake – face up to those you indirectly wronged. I learned that it’s not your gender or age that determines whether you’re strong or not – it’s your values and the courage to stand for what is right when it’s the toughest to do so. It’s about whether you’ll walk the right path, even if you have to walk it alone. And that’s a choice and it’s always worth it to take the higher path.

6. Learn from every experience
This was probably the only way I could pick myself up, move on & make different choices that can move my life forward. This philosophy is now indelibly ingrained onto my soul because of painful experiences like these. And truly, for that, I am grateful.

Sometimes, like tonight, I wonder what became of these men. I hope they are well and have found their peace. I still believe in the inherent goodness of people, probably more now than I ever did before, even after experiences like this.

It is a beautiful thing that the human condition is so varied, textured, and rich with both positive and negative experiences – offering us the opportunity to make different choices, in the pursuit of defining who we really are.

So, if you’re in a position where you felt that someone did wrong by you, or you felt that you did wrong by someone – find the graciousness in your heart to forgive, but forget not the lesson it has wrapped within.

Without fail, our biggest trials are truly our biggest gifts, just choose to see them as such and you’ll see that it is true. And whether it accelerates your personal growth or stunt it, that is your call – therein lies the magic of each of our lives.

xoxo

Sunday 4 December 2011

Moving to WordPress!

Hey guys,

Just a quick note to let you guys know that I'm moving my entire blog home to WordPress.

So if you're following me now, would appreciate if you guys follow via there from now on.

The forwarding link http://www.JamieLoh.com should be activated in a couple of hours, but in the meantime, you can also use this link: https://jlohadvocacy.wordpress.com/

Thanks so much for reading my work! See you on the other side!

xoxo
Jamie