Hello. You Need To Hear This Now.

Apparently I wrote this message for a dear friend once, when he was hurting and unsure about his relationship with his girlfriend. On my birthday this year, he sent me a card with this message written in it - to thank me for giving him these words when he most needed to hear it. I opened the card a week after I received it to read what my soul most needed to hear at this very moment. I suppose this is giving advice to my future self. ;)

"For in love and life there are no guarantees - only in death are we secured in its inevitability; and when we are dead we can give no one the experience of being loved. So whilst we live, whether we are loved back or not, if your heart so desires it - love. And be sure your beloved knows of it, in every cell of his or her being. There is no other more beautiful way to exist. 
Just love. And be happy right now."

Ok. I will.

Namaste.

Death's message

It's been awhile I know. 2014's been a tough year emotionally. And I'm capable fully of being deeply emotional, yet seem perfectly held together. I don't have any theories why.

In fact it has come to my attention that as I walk through the annals of time from one year to another, I have less desire to speculate or theorise about things whose answers can never be found. Because we truly would never know. And the act of trying to figure things out is but an entertaining diversion for the mind to indulge in its need to feel important. And so I have less patience to indulge my mind anymore.

Especially after my grandmother passed away in May 2014, and my beloved uncle, 8 months later in January 2015. How does one put into words the depth of pain of forever losing someone you love? I tried. I can't. Words are useless and they do no justice. But my feelings and the thoughts that have arose from that experience for me have given me loudly and clearly, death's message.

1. We don't have time
Why do get lulled into the illusion that we do? If we live to 65 years old, we only have 569,400 hours. If you're past 30, you have less than that left. If that was converted into currency in Malaysia, you can just barely buy a property with that amount of money in KL. And there's no top up account. It's a countdown all the way. So why spend those diminishing hours doing what brings you no joy, or with people who make you feel bad about yourself? Don't. Be selfish. Life is too short. Don't squander it and regret at the end. My granny probably only forgave all those people she held grudges for in the last week of her life her on earth. It's painful beyond words to see. Let it go now. Forgive now. Tomorrow may never come. Don't wait.

2. We are nothing but that which we choose to give
Giving and the ability or capacity to give, is a divine honour. We don't exist except in the experience of others. And at the end of the road, when you're stripped naked and need to be bathed by people who love you because you're bedridden, you'll get this. All the love that she has given to each of us as she raised us over the decades, we had the honour of returning to her in the last month of her life. The experience of lovingly and gently caring for the caretaker in my life - I profoundly and deeply understood the meaning of love. And for that I will be eternally grateful. She gave love selflessly all her life and that is what she deserves unreservedly at the end. And I will continue her legacy.

3. Be gentle & kind with others, always
We have nothing but our moments, and whilst they are temporal and fleeting, they are the links that connect and form our entire existence from birth to death. Our memories are usually punctuated with the highs and the lows of these moments, whilst everything in between are sometimes overlooked and forgotten. But those are the ones that are critical in forming the experience of our lives. The gentle unassuming moments, flowing along with others and life harmoniously. Drama and pain is great for lessons and new starts, but the moments in between are the ones that set the tone for our existence. Let those be sweet and gentle. Let everyone that crosses your path be brought back to peace and full self acceptance. Let them be reminded of the love and beauty that they are in the midst of a crazy hectic world. And let them be inspired to also, be gentle with others.

4. If you love someone, let them know now
If I could have a drink again with my granny and uncle again or the chance to take them out to places that they would enjoy, I would pay anything to do so. Just so that they know, that they are important to me, that I love them, that I would want to kiss them all over their faces again and again, and that they each know that they are deeply loved and appreciated. Do it now, tomorrow may never come.

I have more to share, but will continue in another post. Till then, be alive - it's a privilege, not an entitlement.

Love Unmasked

My last post was years ago. Writing is such a temperamental thing for me, like the river on its journey to meet the sea, it flows when the water level is reached. Or sometimes whimsical and fleeting like the wind, bringing pieces of thought, ideas, passions to land on my consciousness and moments later, disappears.

This is one of the pieces inspired by the latter - on the true nature of love.

***
Love Unmasked

One can love without ever needing to be loved in return, because just to love, is joy enough.

If you love to be loved in return, while divinely human; is not truly the essence and gift of love. If someone loves you no longer, does that mean you then choose not to love them? So what was it before that you called 'love' whilst you experienced their love for you?

Is love, the most transformational emotion in the universe, really so shallow? Truly loving is about appreciation, being present and making that choice to be that from moment to moment, at all possible moments, and it does not demand, does not want, nor does it ever require you to give yourself up.

It's how you choose to show up in someone else's life. It's a gift to you as well as your beloved, and it should never be confined by the ideals of romance alone. It is too vast, too mysterious, too powerful. It lifts everyone when in its presence.

And the most magical thing about it is that you too, can always choose to be love.

For was love not what we were birth from?

And is love not what we are made of?

***

Sorry!

Hey guys,

I'm sorry if some of you are receiving my postings twice from here and from Word Press. I'm having trouble linking the feed to my Empire Avenue account, so while I want to move everything over to Word Press, I'll have to post it twice both here and there.

So if you're following me, please unfollow on one side so you don't get the posts twice - sorry for the inconvenience caused, thanks for reading again!

xoxo
J

When I Was Ugly

I remember when I was 13 and utterly self-conscious of my body. I was a skinny, gangly kid with long hair, worn way past my waist – with sticks for legs, and my frame was totally boyish. I was a late bloomer.

The idea of wearing a bikini was beyond me. I was so painfully shy, I couldn’t imagine revealing so much of my body that way. I thought I looked terrible and everyone would be laughing.

I also hated taking pictures, and being captured on video killed me. I would never look at them again, and every time I did I was so critical of how I looked that I always looked horrible to myself. I was too skinny, my hair was too messy, my teeth was crooked, my lips too big – it was never ending.

Maybe it is that way when people go through their teenage years, but I took that feeling of self-criticism all the way to my mid-twenties. I never thought I was good enough and of course, everything that I saw about myself, affirmed the exact way I felt about me.

By the time I was in my twenties, I was too fat, my face too round, my eyes too small, my clothes too tight; that was what I saw in those photos. The reasons for self-detestation may be different, but the underlying story remained unchanged – I still didn’t like who I saw.

It’s funny, but I found all these photos and videos again now as I was house-moving; and I wondered how I could have thought that girl in the photos was anything but beautiful.

It was fascinating when I was sitting there sifting through all my old photos – remembering how disgusted I felt looking at them over 10 years ago, and marveling at the total change in the way I see myself now in those same photos.

The photos didn’t change. The way I saw myself changed, and that changes everything.

It’s my reminder for me that I see the world as I am, I don’t see the world as it is. And if I wanted something to change in my world, I need look no further than to just change the way I see it. That was a simple and powerful affirmation on how I, and I alone, have the power to change anything in my life.

And for that, I am truly grateful.

So when you find yourself criticizing – take a pause, and be a little kinder. There is a difference between criticizing and recognizing, the former terminates possibilities and options; while the latter opens them up for you to make a different choice. This holds true whether it’s your relationship with you, with another, or with the world.

Be acutely aware on how you are seeing, because it is your quickest indication on how you are being.

Namaste. xoxo

Lessons From Con-Men

I started working for money at 18. That age marked the beginning of one of the darkest, yet most educational, periods of my life.

Working in bars and entertainment outlets while going through college, I met men of all ages, all backgrounds, and with all sorts of intentions.

There were the distraught husbands in bad marriages that they don’t want to fix. The cheating husbands that came in at 7pm for dinner with their wives, left at 9pm, and came back again at 11pm with their mistresses.

The pushers who will try to sell you anything and everything for that one elusive high. The corporate yuppies who wanted to just drink down a bad day at work and forget for a couple of hours, that they have to get back to that same bleak existence the next morning.

The jocks who just jostled the whole night at the foosball tables. The freeloaders that come in with their rich friends, polishing off bottle after bottle but slinking away to the loo when the bill folder arrives. The smooth shooters hanging at the pool tables, chugging their beers, chalking their cues and playing for “winners’ stay” all night long.

The players who dress like they walked out of a GQ cover, dropping the same cheesy pick-up lines that for some bizarre reason, works every time – or maybe it’s just the really nice cars the valet brings them that seals the deal with pretty young things night after night.

The young boys that just graduated into this seemingly exciting and mysterious adult world, acting macho and downing alcohol by the bottle – swiping for the bill with their daddy’s supplementary credit cards.

The expat trying to kill another lonely night away from their homeland far away. And the VIPs with their bulky bodyguards, sitting alone, sipping wine, smoking a cigar and watching the crowd.
I met them all. Some, became my friends – and followed me from joint to joint as I changed jobs. And some, once they got to the point where they realized I am not susceptible to their romantic advances (being in a relationship that whole period) – turned me into a drinking buddy/ confidante instead.

While some, offered me job opportunities in their companies or businesses. And one day, fed up with the dead-end vicious cycle of the relentlessly mind-numbing entertainment circuit, I took up one of the offers from a VIP that prospected me for 6 months to work in his trading firm. Always, he is in a 3-piece-suit, something that is decidedly hard to do in the mucky tropical Malaysian weather; with a bodyguard shadowing him, and a driver dropping him off at the bar by 5pm every other day.

He took to having conversations with me, and soon started to pursue me to work for him. He owned a trading firm and was relentless in his approach. And one day I agreed – deciding to walk away forever from the entertainment scene to pursue my financial dreams working with this man.

The first day of work at his luxurious office in downtown KL, he gave me an office with a wrap-around window view. He taught me the trade – how to read graphs, charts, indices, market trends. He showed me how to lead prospects themselves to close the deal for me. And soon I brought in enough revenue for him that he made me the head of department, managing a group of men at least 2 decades older than me – who’ll have to report to me monthly.

I was still only 22 then and dying to own the world. I was fearless, impressionable, gullible, and ambitious. I started out broke and so was driven to work really hard, and on such bad terms with my family then that I haven’t had a proper conversation with my dad in 2 years. I wanted to do it all, to prove that I had what it takes to succeed in a world dominated by men, and I thought I could do it alone. I was arrogant. I was blinded by the money I was making and jaded by the company I was keeping.

And as I learned from this chapter of my young life – all that, made for a very dangerous combination. And one day, the time bomb of inexperience exploded.

In less than a year I worked there, the outfit was shut down by the authorities. I walked straight into it reporting to work one morning, finding out from my PA that the Directors were all not contactable, turning around to see the enforcement agents from the Securities Department crashing in and confiscating everything in sight. I spent the whole day being interrogated. All my clients’ money got frozen with the company’s bank account. Only after 7 years was the case finally closed – when they found one of the Directors and put him in jail. When I received that letter in the mail, I broke down and cried.

That was one of the most unnerving experiences in my life. I was so traumatized. I started questioning my own lack of judgment. And for the next 5 years, I spiraled into a life of mediocrity – afraid, so afraid of my ambitions to be wealthy – wanting only to be in a safe job with a legit company. Trying to reinstate my own self-worth. It didn’t matter that I took a massive pay-cut. I didn’t want any of it. To me at that moment, money was evil. Men were evil. I was racked with guilt.
I spent years trying to rebuild relationships with the people who trusted me but got hurt in this incident.

But now, I’ve forgiven myself and that man too. I look back now and I realize that it was an extremely valuable experience – especially in the arena of learning about myself and human psychology. That chapter has closed for me, but the lessons I’ve learned from that period – would serve me for the rest of my life:

1. Do not be impressed easily – look for the substance, not just the form in all you encounter
3-piece Armani suits, nice, flashy sports cars, VIP reservations at all the best joints in town, fine dining, cash splashing, drivers and bodyguards, dinners and gifts, posh offices and beautiful homes; I love these things – but this experience taught me to see the difference between the authentic and the sincere. It’s not the stuff, it’s who’s showing you all these stuff – and why. Heed your instincts, they won’t lead you wrong.

2. A fool and his money will always be parted
I don’t need to deliberate on this, but I have had first-hand training on how to cajole money out of someone by having him/ her suggest it too. Seeing this in action is fascinating and scary at the same time, and I had issues beating myself up for learning and using these tactics while I was working there. But now I see that everyone is responsible for their own decisions, and mine is to operate with the highest level of integrity, while being aware of all these tactics in the market. Greed is the biggest factor why someone ends up being conned. Be wary of anything that sounds too good to be true, do your own due diligence, and seek third-party counsel before making decisions in areas you are unfamiliar with.

3. There is no such thing as a short-cut to success
Ah. The delusion of all gamblers and con-men, wanting to get a better deal from the world. Being only willing to pay $1, yet expecting $100 return; work an hour but be paid for 10. There is no such thing. Taking short-cuts cost a price dearer than gold – your character, and self-respect. And it gets you nowhere worthwhile for very long.

4. Be in possession of your own mind
You know all the jazz about NLP, mind influence, etc? Well, take full responsibility for your own decisions and thoughts, and you’ll never have to worry about someone influencing you to do something that is detrimental to you. Everyone and everything in your daily life IS trying to influence you, you can’t avoid it. So don’t be a passive about this – own your thoughts! It’s 100% your call, all the time.

5. Stand for what you believe in
So shit happens. My con-men Directors disappears, I’m next-in-command, and the shit’s hitting the fan. And yeah, I was still 22 – but by then I was feeling 52. So what? Deal with all the mess you find yourself in in a manner that you won’t regret. Stand up to it, and fight for what you believe in. Own up if you made a mistake – face up to those you indirectly wronged. I learned that it’s not your gender or age that determines whether you’re strong or not – it’s your values and the courage to stand for what is right when it’s the toughest to do so. It’s about whether you’ll walk the right path, even if you have to walk it alone. And that’s a choice and it’s always worth it to take the higher path.

6. Learn from every experience
This was probably the only way I could pick myself up, move on & make different choices that can move my life forward. This philosophy is now indelibly ingrained onto my soul because of painful experiences like these. And truly, for that, I am grateful.

Sometimes, like tonight, I wonder what became of these men. I hope they are well and have found their peace. I still believe in the inherent goodness of people, probably more now than I ever did before, even after experiences like this.

It is a beautiful thing that the human condition is so varied, textured, and rich with both positive and negative experiences – offering us the opportunity to make different choices, in the pursuit of defining who we really are.

So, if you’re in a position where you felt that someone did wrong by you, or you felt that you did wrong by someone – find the graciousness in your heart to forgive, but forget not the lesson it has wrapped within.

Without fail, our biggest trials are truly our biggest gifts, just choose to see them as such and you’ll see that it is true. And whether it accelerates your personal growth or stunt it, that is your call – therein lies the magic of each of our lives.

xoxo

Moving to WordPress!

Hey guys,

Just a quick note to let you guys know that I'm moving my entire blog home to WordPress.

So if you're following me now, would appreciate if you guys follow via there from now on.

The forwarding link http://www.JamieLoh.com should be activated in a couple of hours, but in the meantime, you can also use this link: https://jlohadvocacy.wordpress.com/

Thanks so much for reading my work! See you on the other side!

xoxo
Jamie

The Art Of Flirting

So, I was at a couple of singles party in the last few months, accompanying a girlfriend who's scouting the local scene for any potential hot, rich, intelligent, compassionate, humanitarian male bachelor - who will make a great husband and dad, with a fabulously understanding mom that's not big on scrutinizing all the shortcomings of her future daughter-in-law.

Result: He don't exist. At least maybe not in KL.

Ok maybe we haven't looked long & hard enough.

But seriously. That singles scene. I don't get it.

Hang on. Let me get some personal facts straight first.

#1: I am happily single
#2: I am not looking
#3: I am uninterested in the marriage & kids finale
#4: I don't buy into the biological clock story, and...
#5: I don't feel any moral/ filial obligation to provide grandkids (my parents have now pinned their hopes on my 3 younger siblings.)

I'm 32, going on 23. And most of my girlfriends are around the same age, except that most of them are only growing older in their minds. A majority of them are comfortably nestled at home, in between babies, hubbies, pets, domestication and careers (I salute); and the few that are not are generally in 2 camps - camp 1 is where i am (see above 5 points) and camp 2 is the ones where they are needing, yes, needing to get into the majority. And no, I am not being offensive. Just factual.

And although I would never understand them, as they probably would never understand me; I kinda get it...in a mental way, that desire to make a home with a mate. Before their eggs run out.

So. Back to the point of this post & story. Why am I writing this at all?

Well, because being at those singles' parties have been a bizarre experience for me. Why? Well, since I'm there as a companion, I refuse to turn into a competitor (to the other chicks), so the majority of my time there is spent watching the proceedings. And you know what I noticed? No one there seems to know how to actually flirt effectively.

Yup. I said it now. If I am shot dead tomorrow you'll know why.

People think that attraction and finding the love of your life is like an act of destiny, that fireworks will happen the moment you lay eyes on the *one*, and hence with a minimal amount of mutual conversational exchange, you just have to do the scene enough and one momentous day, at one fated moment, you will bump into the *one*, exchange some shy glances, fumble up with each other on the dance floor dancing to some slow number, meet the parents - get married and live happily ever after.

Sorry. That's only in the movies. And that formula of it being a numbers game, that's only for business.

When it comes to romance, attraction, chemistry and physical heat - it all starts in the mind. Literally.

And nothing is more attractive & sexy than a witty mind, wrapped in a well-turned out body - delivering comments with the same measure of poise and lighthearted jest; in passing conversations that you wish would last just a little bit longer.

You're at a singles party guys. Mingle, converse, connect, smile, laugh, flirt! And when I say flirt, I don't mean bat your eyelashes, dress like a tramp, or do a lap dance on the guy. And lads, I seriously don't mean dropping cheesy pick-up lines, being overly touchy, or telling the girls how amazingly capable you are, in all capacities.

I mean, be intelligent, be present, be attentive, be real, be fun, be YOU! Smile & shine baby! And do everyone a favor - don't curse, get drunk, smoke, shout, play incessantly with your iPhone/ BB, or get on the bar top.

Flirting is not some complex art that needs to be demystified. It's just an act of showing someone you like them more than friends in a fun way, and maybe might want to get to know them more. And masterful flirting is doing all that without looking like you're flirting at all.

It's just attractive because you're finding someone else attractive and showing him/ her in a genuine, natural way.

So, have conversations like you would just like any other, except that you do have to show that you're attracted to the person you are talking to. Listen, ask questions about them, look into their eyes, lean forward. Geddit? And if you want to see that person again, just ask for the digits.

Drop all the cheesy pick-up lines about the stars in her eyes, and the heavens missing an angel etc (I'll probably do another post later on the ones I've gotten) - and just ask for it. "Hey, i really like you, can I see you again?" Try it, it's not gonna kill you. I haven't seen anyone really doing that at all the singles' party I've been to.

So in a nutshell - be gracious and subtle, and if you really like someone you met - get to the point. How else are you going to move this thing forward if you want to eventually get married?

Or if all else fails, just engage a professional dating agency. Or Facebook. My sis met her fiancee there, and I haven't seen any couple happier. :)

But if you're gonna be doing the singles' party scene....please, read this post before you go. It might help.

Some final pointers on stuff I noticed that drove me nuts: Ladies - shave your legs and underarms, and wear the g-string, not the granma panties. Guys - match your socks, clean your nails, don't do a deodorant overkill or fiddle with your crotch.

How do I know all this? I read a lot. Meow. ;)

The Poetry Series - Exhibit #1

I moved again to another place. A new home, and it's beautiful. A perfect fit for my spirit. Will post some pix up for you guys once its ready.

While moving, I again found some old scribblings - a bunch of poetry I wrote when I was younger. Reading them now made me realized that I have come a bit of a way, experiencing much darkness and pain in those years. Poetry helped me deal with those emotions - as a channel for release.

Now I can recognize that those experiences were all self-inflicted, but it was a part of me and I can't deny who I was; for without being there, I would not now be here in a much happier and enlightened space.

The darkness only made me appreciate the light I live in these days. So I've decided to log them all down in my blog as a series of poems under one title (Encapsulation of Pain); for posterity and a reminder that; to be a woman, one must first be a girl - to understand love, one must first embrace pain. And that it is ok. :)

I hope you'll enjoy them as I post them out.

To you, to life, and to love!

Encapsulation of Pain Series:
Poem #1: Journey Across The Desert of Love.

The plains of a barren soul,
mock me,
every step of the way,
the sun beats,
its scorching rays.
The heart sways,
the body bleeds.

Swirling waters,
offer no reprieve,
instead it pulls,
the mind deep;
where chaos reign,
and blood stains,
a white sheet,
once clean.

Golden shades,
and jovial play,
is now but a memory;
of happier days.

- Jamie Loh, 14 October 2004.

The Poetry Series - Exhibit #3

Encapsulation of Pain Series:
Poem #3: Sinking

Whither I wonder
Joy has flown?
Dragged me asunder
With sighs and moans.

- Jamie Loh, 16 December 2005

The Poetry Series - Exhibit #2

Encapsulation of Pain Series:
Poem #2: Despair

I have given up
The many beaten path
To risk my heart
And challenge destiny's chart
Seeking for love
While wading through pain
On days like these
I wish
for more familiar plains.

- Jamie Loh, 12 February 2005

Book 1, Page 115

One of my favorite paragraphs from Conversations With God, Book 1 by Neale Donald Walsch:

"Seek not to make of your love a glue that binds, but rather, a magnet that first attracts, then turns and repels, lest those who are attracted begin to believe they must stick to you to survive. Nothing could be further away from the truth. Nothing could be more damaging to another. Let your love propel your beloveds into the world - and into the full experience of who they are. In this, will you have truly loved."

So, how do you love?

Truly loving is about empowering the one you love - not to be forever in love with you, but to fall in love with who they really are.

That's what we're really here for - to cause another to see the beauty of their existence, mirrored back to them, in our eyes.

And then, projected back to the world as a gift, by leaving many indentations in the universe; each stating that - yes, because they existed, lived, & loved - the world was made more beautiful.

And that is the truth. The world is more beautiful because you are here. Now be here, and be love.

Namaste.

xoxo
Jamie

PS: And yes, if you're ready to challenge some personal beliefs about all manner of topics; pick up all 3 Conversation With God books by the above author. I do advocate them. You can get them here: http://amzn.to/uqXhDv

Transforming Regrets - for my brother.

I rarely ever regret anything. But my biggest regret is that my chain smoking and alcohol-abuse in the past set an example for my baby brother to follow. I’m writing this for him before it’s too late.

He’s 6 years younger than me, very good looking, intelligent and sharp. He dropped by my place this morning to pick up some stuff so we got to chatting. He was telling me that he was waking up everyday with lots of phlegm and facing breathing problems because of smoking. He’s only 26 with the whole world in front of him. He tried quitting but kept going back to it after a couple of days.

He asked me how I did it 3 years ago.

Well, I decided that I was worth it. And I got information, made a plan, prepared for it and then just followed through. I quit on 1st March 2009. Before that I must have tried quitting over 7 times.

People tell me that I am so disciplined and that my willpower is so strong. I believe that is true for everyone if they dig deep enough to discover why they are doing what they are doing. Smokers are disciplined about smoking every couple of hours right? So it’s just a mindset. Just get disciplined about another discipline and then you’ll find that it really ain’t that hard.

Because being disciplined is just choosing consistently the same activity to back up a commitment. The real reason for my stickability to achieve my quit smoking goal is that I was sick of being sick. And sick of being a slave to a toxic substance. And I was a slave – 2 packs a day for the better part of 11 years.

My new commitment to myself was to be well. That replaced the old commitment I held about being a smoker.

I was also unemotional about it. I looked at my body like it was a machine – and did what i needed to do to hard reset it to a much better working condition. If you’re a heavy smoker or been addicted to any substances before you’ll understand what withdrawal symptoms really are – and if you don’t get a hold over your emotions and find some mental anchor to hold on to when your body is racking hell when you quit – it’s going to be so much tougher to get through it.

Non-abusers can never really understand. So yes, I get it. You feel like dying. But that’s better than actually getting to the point that you have to die because of your addiction. And die painfully too.

Think of your body as a machine and maybe it would make as much sense to you as it did for me. You can program and reprogram it. And that’s what quitting a toxic substance is about. It’s a reprogramming of your system. And the process to reprogram it will mean a lot of changes and clearing – there’s no other way.

So here’s what actually happens when you take nicotine into your system. Besides the tens of thousands of toxins that is deposited into your system with every drag – what it actually does is it incapacitates your brain’s ability to produce a naturally-occurring chemical substance in your brain called “Dopamine”. Dopamine is released by our brains naturally to help calm us down when we are stressed, help us focus and generally just relax us.

So your body is smart. When you took your first cigarette it reacted violently to this unnatural and very toxic substance – and when you continued taking it, it adapted to it, and finally, it found a way to make use of it.

The nicotine is a trigger for the production of more dopamine, so your body decided to stop its own production efforts, channeling it instead now to other more pressing needs in other parts of your body (like detoxing now obviously), and just trigger a notice to you in the form of a craving every 30 minutes or so when the dopamine levels in your brain goes lower. And the cravings gets more and more urgent the longer you do not respond to it.

Trust me, I know the feeling. I walked out for about 20 minutes by myself at 3am before years ago when I had a cigarette and no way of lighting it – looking for a lighter. I was almost at the state of panic. That’s actually your brain’s defense mechanism to “protect” you based on the programming you’ve installed in it up to date. Which is nicotine dependent for the nicotine addict.

So in short, the point is to get your brain to start producing its own dopamine again. And to do that, a hard reset is required. That means give it no more nicotine – and your brain will eventually restart its own production of dopamine again.

Here’s some tips that helped me:

1. Total cold turkey from nicotine.
That philosophy worked best for me. That means no nicotine replacement products like gums, patches etc. This forced my brains to get back to work producing its own dopamine faster. A bit more drastic but hey I’d rather get it done faster than slower.

2. Understanding & mentally preparing for the withdrawal symptoms.
The first 3 days will be your worst withdrawal symptoms ever, and the next 7 days your body will go through some massive cleansing so you really won’t feel very well. Healing crisis also starts to happen, means you will smell as your body excrete nicotine from your blood stream, dizziness, migraines, fatigue, etc. But this is normal and necessary – I didn’t know that before so I always caved in around day 4-5 of the quit.

3. Conquering cravings
Another important tip: the craving will be at its most urgent for the first 3 minutes, and then it will subside. It will also be more frequent in the first 3-10 days, and then it really gets less and less, till you don’t get any cravings anymore. That’s just the way your body tries to get you to consume nicotine. Deal with it by drinking water, sucking on gels, etc. Do whatever as long as you don’t inhale nicotine. My mantra that whole time while I was quitting was “I won’t put nicotine into my bloodstream.” It wasn’t even about having a cigarette. That made a lot more sense to me & was a stronger commitment to uphold.

4. Rest
If you can, take 5-7 days off and stay home to rest, sleep, detox and drink lots of water. This was critical to me as my body was being readjusted. It really gets a lot harder if you have to try and operate normally when you are quitting.

5. Prepare
You can never win a war if you don’t plan and prepare for it. My style is to get mental anchors to hold on to – if i can understand something, I can commit to it. So my striving has always been to learn and understand more on the whys and the whats – this website truly helped me get through the whole quitting period, what i’ve written here is my understanding of the facts on this site: www.whyquit.com - please, check it out. You might find other more relevant pieces of info to help you better.

6. Incremental Progress
Say no – one cigarette at a time. Understand that there will always be people who smoke around you – so there’s no way you can avoid the urges and offers. Don’t avoid it. Face it and master it. It’s much simpler to take it one decision at a time.

One of the best decisions I ever made was to quit smoking. I don’t have to stress on how much I have benefited health-wise. That’s pretty common knowledge.

The real gift was the self-empowerment I achieved for myself by mastering an addiction, and the new-found respect I developed for my body as a miraculous machine, able to heal and regenerate itself without limit.

The absolute knowing that there will always exist in my decision the possibility to transform, grow, heal, and be better – no matter how bad any situation is.

Because with that knowledge comes real joy and real power. That’s what I want for my brother to experience.

And that’s what I want for anyone struggling with addictions of any sort - whether of the body, mind, or spirit.

It is within all our reach – just make the same decision every single time.

Jamie
XOXO

PS: Reminder - please visit & pass on this site: www.WhyQuit.com. Thanks & be blessed!

Dry your eyes...

Why doth you cry,
For a heart that would not trust,
For promises to only try;
Or a love that never was?

~ Jamie Loh

A love poem from the Japanese...

One for the elusive, tender, memories of a once exquisite love.

***

From the beginning,
I knew meeting could only
End in parting, yet
I ignored the coming dawn,
And I gave myself to you.

~ Fujiwara no Teika

Extracted from Kenneth Rexroth book "Love Poems from the Japanese."

***

A prayer that can save the world...

You know how things just come to you when you most need to hear it?

Here's one that came to me a long time ago when going through some rough patches in my life and once again it reveals itself to me when I was cleaning out my study recently. A blessed reminder.

Now it's printed out & stuck onto the notice board in my kitchen - right where I make my morning tea, so I read it first thing in the morning, while waiting for the water to boil.

Let these words flow over you, feel its truth in every fiber of your being, and, the joyful knowing that you do make a difference warm your heart.

No matter how bleak situations may be, no matter who you call your Creator, there is unlimited love, beauty & wisdom in each human soul - and a prayer like this manifest in each of us can truly save the world.

Namaste & God bless. xoxo

*******

Mother Theresa's Prayer

Lord, make me a channel of Thy peace, that,
Where there is hatred, I may bring love;
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
That where there is error, I may bring truth;
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
That where there is despair, I may bring hope;
That where there are shadows, I may bring light;
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
To understand than to be understood;
To love than to be loved.
For it is by forgetting self that one finds;
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven;
It is by dying that one awakes to eternal life.

*******

Mortal Love

Cleaning out my house today & clearing a whole load of clutter. Found some stuff I wrote long ago and came across this poem. It was actually published in a coffee table poetry book back in 2002 by an American publisher. Must have wrote this when I was heartbroken ;)

Enjoy. xoxo

***

Mortal Love

A time of doubt ~ a mind of fears,
Confused and caught ~ compelled to tears,
Decisions a flood ~ conclusions rare;
A streak of blood ~ the devil’s dare.

Seek your heart, and seek the truth,
Fulfill the part, a true love would,
For Cupid’s aim is straight to mark;
A mortal maimed hath a weakened heart.

Once it’s given, forever it’s gone,
Love is then craven, not to be mourned,
Seek the angel and free the wings;
At the end of the tunnel, your soul may sing.

Rare it be to strike the nerve,
You caused it for me;
This mortal’s love.

Copyright © 2002 Jamie Loh

Abraham-Hicks

Here's something a little way out there that I advocate. Wanna learn some ringing wisdoms, read their work. Keep your focus on their content and care not where it comes from.

Truth has an uncanny way of touching your soul if you would be open and just listen with every cell of your being.

Here's an example of their work:-

"It is your rules that make unlawful beings. You would get along better if you would just trust each other to treat each other appropriately, but you don't. So you keep making laws — until you make criminals of everyone." ~ Abraham

You can find them online here

Their words have carried me through many a dark night - and I give thanks.

Namaste!

The things that Singaporeans do...

Hey y'all, am back in Singapore for 3 nights of back-to-back business events and actually have some time out this time to myself so I thought I'll plug in this post, on a topic I've been meaning to share with you guys for awhile now.

When i get on the road, I'm the sort of traveler that drives most tour guides nuts, since I like to stop, stare, shoot (with a camera that is...), and generally just get a good feel of where ever I happen to be at that very moment. I much prefer to roam around alone when I travel because of this. Whizzing in & out of a city is not my preferred mode of traveling - I'm indulgent like that.

Anyway, due to this habit of mine, I have the tendency to notice things that sometimes strike me as absolutely strange & fascinating. Every time I hit a new city, I get into this child-like-observer mode and I see things from a completely different point of view cos it's such a rush to be in constant awe of the world! This happens to me even when I return home to my city after a long bout on the road. I love it & highly advocate that everyone roams as much as they can to expand their minds and viewpoints.

So here's what I wanted to share about Singapore. I know, i know...for most of us Malaysians & Indonesians, Singapore is just across the border and it's not exactly the most exotic destination for us. But I challenge you the next time you come here to notice something different and unique about the place & its people. AND you can't steal my observations cos I'm gonna share them here as proof. ;)

1) Queuing at ATM machines...
I mean, NOBODY does it like they do here in Singapore. Imagine, the machine, the person standing at it pressing away on the buttons and about 4-5 feet AWAY to the diagonal right, the line starts. It's so far away, it looks like they are queuing for....i dunno what. Until you realize it only makes sense that it's the ATM because there's nothing else around to queue for, and of course, all the clues lie on the ground. Look for the neatly painted yellow lines. They are everywhere. PS: Understand that in Malaysia, queuing is a foreign concept, especially at the ATMs. The dude behind you is right behind you, if not next to you.

2) The national language...
...is Malay. Do you know anywhere else in the world where the national language is one that the majority of people don't speak nor understand? Yup, only in Singapore. But they do memorize the national anthem in that language, although they don't know what it means. It's so adorable. LOL.

3) The speed limit...
Everyone drives BELOW it. Need I say more?

4) The irrational fear of Malaysian drivers...
More than once, Singaporeans in Singapore have declined my kind offers to send them home in my car (i drive here a lot). And those brave enough to take up my offer (so as not to offend me), kinda look like they desperately want another seat belt on top of the one they so hurriedly strap on the moment their bum lands on my car seats. Hey guys, I'm not offended, just thoroughly amused. And, my driving is awesome as far as I'm concerned. :)

5) Carded everything!
Everything is on a cash card of some sort here. I find that kinda cool. Malaysia is so haphazard in comparison - there we have a choice of 2-3 payment methods, here in Singapore, there's no choice. Get. The. Card. >,<

6) The causeway immigration toilets...
They escort you. No kidding. Why? Same reason they don't have dustbins there, so you don't plant a bomb. I got that from one of the officers on duty when I asked so I solemnly swear, I didn't make that up. Nice service though, cos the officers are usually pretty hot too. Men in uniform, what can I say? ;)

7) The way they cross the road...
Omaigawd. It's always in an "L" shape. Malaysians like me have this uncontrollable urge to just go directly across (aka jaywalk) to exactly where i want to cross to without crossing first to the opposite, then to the opposite of that opposite, etc..but usually my associates will have me on a leash when they walk me in town....so.

8) The walking...
Everywhere is "nearby" to the Singaporeans. 4-inch heels not recommended, especially with luggage. Sigh.

9) The red light district hotels...
Ok, don't ask me how I know. But they have a hotel chain here that gives you a membership if you're a Singaporean/ a PR that saves you SG$10 per night. But if you're not a Singaporean, you'll have to pay extra SG$20 per night and you can't get a membership. My question is if I stay in tiny Singapore, why would I want a membership to a local chain of hotels in the seediest part of town? Oh.

10) The airport...
I found out that the locals here actually take the MRT (monorail train) to Changi airport to just hang out, meet friends, study, and do grocery shopping. Cos it's cheap to get there, there's free aircon and wifi, plus they have everything you need. No, we don't do this in Malaysia - do you guys do this anywhere else in the world?!

And lastly, the people. The people of Singapore is the saving grace of this toy town. They are sweet, sweet, SWEET!!! They are so courteous and hospitable, it's very hard to tell whether you're imposing on them or not. So here's a clue - don't let them overdo on the hospitality, they really live to please and I feel sometimes don't know how to say no, so as the guest - say no for them sometimes ok. With a hug, so they know that it's a sweet, "I-appreciate-you" kinda no.

I've left out the usual stuff that people already know like the fines (yes it's true) and the anti-chewing gum rule (brilliant I think) and all the kiasu jokes. Old stuff. Wanted to check-in with something new for me.

So, here's the challenge, go observe your town or where ever you are with new eyes and absorb the wonder of how interestingly eccentric and diverse humanity is, even in the hometown kampung you grew up in; I promise there's stuff you never noticed before. Everyday, all the time, there's always something fresh that you can capture if you would just slow it down, and look around in wonder. It's fascinating.

If you do blog about it, post your blog link in the comment section below cos I would love to check it out too! :)

The world rocks & it will rock your every moment if you'd just let it!

Have a blessed day! MUAH! XOXO

PS: This post is dedicated to all my beloved Singaporean friends & associates. Feed me more & I'll spread more propaganda for you a'ite? :) Love you guys. xoxo

Long forgotten passions :)

Been away for a bit, busy the whole month with a new relationship, a major event and life in general. Anyway, took up a challenge to get back on stage to perform for this major event - if you didn't know I grew up as a performance artist, dance & song basically, from 4 years old to 18 years old and then shoved my passions on the back-burner because "life got in the way."

Forgot how much I enjoyed performing until this impromptu session last weekend at a talent show during my company's convention. Was completely unprepared, but I enjoyed myself thoroughly anyhow. One thing I did notice was that I have lost all self-consciousness - something that used to hold me back when I was younger and doing a routine/ act that was unfamiliar.

There's a message there for me. I'm glad that I've grown, and ironically it was a reversal to the time when I was a young child - where ego-based self-consciousness was completely not present in my being; and when I did my best work as an artist...because I was just enjoying the groove of indulging in the artform.

I've found that to be true in all activities I take on now, from my communication with others, to my work, and especially as a student of life. It is impossible to learn & do my best in anything when my energy is all wrapped up about how I am coming across/ being perceived by others.

Letting go & going loco - being purely uninhibited and trusting with others, is such a joyful and liberating experience; EVERYONE needs to be ok in their own skin - and the most ironic thing is when you're completely ok with you, everyone else is too - there is no other way.

So BE, live, love, dance & sing! It's a beautiful world, and you're an integral part of all that beauty.

Do tell me what brings YOU joy, thank you for shining!!!!

Namaste!

PS: I went back to ballet class on a whim today - after 14 years of being away, amazed I still have the technique & didn't die halfway through. Ballet is one of the most unforgiving dance disciplines - I so missed it! AND I started recording some song covers & loading them onto my youtube channel. Latest one is called "Lullaby Of Birdland" here

Hope you enjoy it! :)

XOXO