The Art Of Flirting

So, I was at a couple of singles party in the last few months, accompanying a girlfriend who's scouting the local scene for any potential hot, rich, intelligent, compassionate, humanitarian male bachelor - who will make a great husband and dad, with a fabulously understanding mom that's not big on scrutinizing all the shortcomings of her future daughter-in-law.

Result: He don't exist. At least maybe not in KL.

Ok maybe we haven't looked long & hard enough.

But seriously. That singles scene. I don't get it.

Hang on. Let me get some personal facts straight first.

#1: I am happily single
#2: I am not looking
#3: I am uninterested in the marriage & kids finale
#4: I don't buy into the biological clock story, and...
#5: I don't feel any moral/ filial obligation to provide grandkids (my parents have now pinned their hopes on my 3 younger siblings.)

I'm 32, going on 23. And most of my girlfriends are around the same age, except that most of them are only growing older in their minds. A majority of them are comfortably nestled at home, in between babies, hubbies, pets, domestication and careers (I salute); and the few that are not are generally in 2 camps - camp 1 is where i am (see above 5 points) and camp 2 is the ones where they are needing, yes, needing to get into the majority. And no, I am not being offensive. Just factual.

And although I would never understand them, as they probably would never understand me; I kinda get it...in a mental way, that desire to make a home with a mate. Before their eggs run out.

So. Back to the point of this post & story. Why am I writing this at all?

Well, because being at those singles' parties have been a bizarre experience for me. Why? Well, since I'm there as a companion, I refuse to turn into a competitor (to the other chicks), so the majority of my time there is spent watching the proceedings. And you know what I noticed? No one there seems to know how to actually flirt effectively.

Yup. I said it now. If I am shot dead tomorrow you'll know why.

People think that attraction and finding the love of your life is like an act of destiny, that fireworks will happen the moment you lay eyes on the *one*, and hence with a minimal amount of mutual conversational exchange, you just have to do the scene enough and one momentous day, at one fated moment, you will bump into the *one*, exchange some shy glances, fumble up with each other on the dance floor dancing to some slow number, meet the parents - get married and live happily ever after.

Sorry. That's only in the movies. And that formula of it being a numbers game, that's only for business.

When it comes to romance, attraction, chemistry and physical heat - it all starts in the mind. Literally.

And nothing is more attractive & sexy than a witty mind, wrapped in a well-turned out body - delivering comments with the same measure of poise and lighthearted jest; in passing conversations that you wish would last just a little bit longer.

You're at a singles party guys. Mingle, converse, connect, smile, laugh, flirt! And when I say flirt, I don't mean bat your eyelashes, dress like a tramp, or do a lap dance on the guy. And lads, I seriously don't mean dropping cheesy pick-up lines, being overly touchy, or telling the girls how amazingly capable you are, in all capacities.

I mean, be intelligent, be present, be attentive, be real, be fun, be YOU! Smile & shine baby! And do everyone a favor - don't curse, get drunk, smoke, shout, play incessantly with your iPhone/ BB, or get on the bar top.

Flirting is not some complex art that needs to be demystified. It's just an act of showing someone you like them more than friends in a fun way, and maybe might want to get to know them more. And masterful flirting is doing all that without looking like you're flirting at all.

It's just attractive because you're finding someone else attractive and showing him/ her in a genuine, natural way.

So, have conversations like you would just like any other, except that you do have to show that you're attracted to the person you are talking to. Listen, ask questions about them, look into their eyes, lean forward. Geddit? And if you want to see that person again, just ask for the digits.

Drop all the cheesy pick-up lines about the stars in her eyes, and the heavens missing an angel etc (I'll probably do another post later on the ones I've gotten) - and just ask for it. "Hey, i really like you, can I see you again?" Try it, it's not gonna kill you. I haven't seen anyone really doing that at all the singles' party I've been to.

So in a nutshell - be gracious and subtle, and if you really like someone you met - get to the point. How else are you going to move this thing forward if you want to eventually get married?

Or if all else fails, just engage a professional dating agency. Or Facebook. My sis met her fiancee there, and I haven't seen any couple happier. :)

But if you're gonna be doing the singles' party scene....please, read this post before you go. It might help.

Some final pointers on stuff I noticed that drove me nuts: Ladies - shave your legs and underarms, and wear the g-string, not the granma panties. Guys - match your socks, clean your nails, don't do a deodorant overkill or fiddle with your crotch.

How do I know all this? I read a lot. Meow. ;)

The Poetry Series - Exhibit #1

I moved again to another place. A new home, and it's beautiful. A perfect fit for my spirit. Will post some pix up for you guys once its ready.

While moving, I again found some old scribblings - a bunch of poetry I wrote when I was younger. Reading them now made me realized that I have come a bit of a way, experiencing much darkness and pain in those years. Poetry helped me deal with those emotions - as a channel for release.

Now I can recognize that those experiences were all self-inflicted, but it was a part of me and I can't deny who I was; for without being there, I would not now be here in a much happier and enlightened space.

The darkness only made me appreciate the light I live in these days. So I've decided to log them all down in my blog as a series of poems under one title (Encapsulation of Pain); for posterity and a reminder that; to be a woman, one must first be a girl - to understand love, one must first embrace pain. And that it is ok. :)

I hope you'll enjoy them as I post them out.

To you, to life, and to love!

Encapsulation of Pain Series:
Poem #1: Journey Across The Desert of Love.

The plains of a barren soul,
mock me,
every step of the way,
the sun beats,
its scorching rays.
The heart sways,
the body bleeds.

Swirling waters,
offer no reprieve,
instead it pulls,
the mind deep;
where chaos reign,
and blood stains,
a white sheet,
once clean.

Golden shades,
and jovial play,
is now but a memory;
of happier days.

- Jamie Loh, 14 October 2004.

Directed by Love

In honor of a new day & a new journey; I want to share these timelessly beautiful words by the legendary artist, poet & writer ~ Kahlil Gibran.

May your days be drenched in divine love, and remember ~ "...think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course."

So, let go, and let love.

Namaste. xoxo

****************

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself
But if your love and must needs have desires,
Let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook
That sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart
And give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer
For the beloved in your heart
And a song of praise upon your lips.

~ Kahlil Gibran

****************

When the planets align...

Found this somewhere online months ago & fell in love with it. Have kept it near me ever since.

Poetry moves me in ways that I can't describe. The poet is a true master of the word and has the power to wield magical sensations with it.

If anyone knows who I can credit this to, please comment below ~ much appreciated.

Now, absorb & enjoy:

**************************************

Two shall be born the whole wide world apart,
And speak in different tongues, and take no thought;
Each of the others' being, and no heed.
And these o'er unknown seas to unknown lands,
Shall cross, escaping wreck, defying death;
And all unconsciously shape every act,
And bend each wandering step unto this end,
That one day out of darkness they shall meet,
And read life's meaning in each other's eyes.

What are you advocating for?

Most people have the impression that advocates are synonymous to activists, that advocates run the gamut of being irritating to inspiring, pointless to life-changing. But whatever it may be, an advocate is always seen as vocally loud.

I mentioned in my post yesterday that an advocate is defined as "a person who publicly supports or recommends a particular cause or policy." Going deeper into the root meaning of this word, I copy below the exact words from my dictionary app:

ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French avocat, from Latin advocatus, past participle (used as a noun) of advocare ‘call (to one's aid),’ from ad- ‘to’ + vocare ‘to call.’


Hence, to advocate is to call. And if you really think about it, we call in many ways and not with our words only. The biggest form of advocacy of any one thing is in our actions. And our actions are driven by our beliefs, and our beliefs by our thoughts.

So you don't have to be Gandhi, a Barrack, Osama bin Laden, or any conventional form of leader to be an advocate. You, the way you already are, going through your life the way you already do; is a form of advocacy. You already have that power, because in your actions you have advocated your choices.

That policy may be "I don't make waves" - so you're advocating for a minor form of harmony, but at the price of maybe something bigger that can help change the course of your personal history (i.e. if you're a victim in an abusive relationship) or even impact your community or country (i.e. not fighting for your rights).

Why advocate? Well, because you already have been given that power to make a difference, to influence for contribution or otherwise, and.....you're already using it. Even if you are being a loser and a bum, you are still an advocate for the policies that are linked to being a loser and a bum.

So, what are you advocating for? To influence for the betterment of yourself and your community, or the ruination? Every choice matters you see. Every moment, every word, every action. To actively advocate for something is a scary thing, because you put yourself on the line, open and vulnerable to criticism and attack.

But you see, you are already an advocate, it's just the reach of your impact that's either small or large that's in question; that you are already advocating is not. So why not use all that power and energy that you are already using now, to really advocate for the beliefs, values, actions, policies and things that you really believe in? That's the difference between really LIVING versus just existing.

Make a stand. Advocate for the best in yourself, and what you want to be. It matters. You matter.

xoxo
Jamie